I don't need the sun

I don’t need the sun

I got the urge to ask you, what you were doing”?

You said “flying a plane.

“hmmmm” I said, what color is it?

“yellow” you said

I thought it strange for you to be flying a yellow plane,

So I asked “why would you fly a yellow plane? What if we mistook it for the sun”?

“The sun”? you said

“yes”

“Well I guess because I could light up the sky at night”.

When I asked “why”?

You said “sometimes things are just happier, when the sun is out”

When I told you “I don’t like the sun”

You frowned and said “I’ll paint it grey and put little drop of blue on the side”

“why”?

“So that you can be happy when the sun is out”

“You’re the first one to believe, that I don’t need the sun to be happy”

“You’re welcome”

“But I didn’t say thank you”?

“You will when the sun is shining, and I bring you a little rain”

“Well thank you, in advance that is”.

I didn't mean to?

I didn’t mean to?

I didn’t mean to make you so angry

In fact I didn’t even know it was wrong.

I know it started long before I got here,

I’m sure it will outlast me if I’m gone?

I walked in, when the world walked out

I stood by your side, held your hand and watched you cry.

When I needed to scream and shout, I looked around

I realized that I am not you, so I kept my mouth shut.

I buried it deep inside, I pulled on a worn old mask

I put a smile on my face and swore I’d be ok.

Now you get angry because you ask and you ask

And I have no reply, because I spent all those years living inside.

Inside where I couldn’t feel.

But after years and years you’ve chipped down my walls

Now I can’t stand to even pretend that you are not the reason

The reason I decided to take it upon myself,

Because the brain can only focus on one pain at a time

And this takes me away from you.

And in that short time I don’t feel

I don’t feel that I am the reason this all went wrong.

One day I wont be here and where will you be,

What will you do once I’m gone?

A friend in my thoughts

A friend in my thoughts

My mind holds many things,

My thoughts, my fears, my memories with you.

I know that at times I can be difficult…

But never once did you walk away.

At times you may have been frustrated,

Wanted to quit listening or just tell me to shut up…

But you never have.

And for that I am most grateful,

Grateful for the laughs, the adventures

And even the jokes aimed at me.

There are not many I can say that have not given up on me.

Because I am not brave or strong or the prettiest, or

Even full of knowledge,

I have never found myself to be the best, at anything.

But you never gave up.

I have watched many walk out of my life,

Many I never imagined would…

I hope that time does not cause us to drift apart,

Because I am grateful for you

Grateful that God allowed me to have you in my life.

Because I am not the most dependable,

You can count on me to flake on you at some point.

But please don’t see that as me giving up on you.

I may not be brave, or strong, or the prettiest,

Or full of knowledge…

But I want you to know that I will always be here,

Here for you when you need me, to support you in all you do.

Because you see, to me you are more than just someone I know.

To me you are a friend; I would call you family…

But I’ve watched my family leave,

But you haven’t… you’ve seen me at my lowest

And you’ve seen me at my best.

And yet you have not left me.

So I will take these moments and keep them in my head

Every moment as a picture, tucked safely away

Where I can find them, long after we may have gone our separate ways.

But even when we do I hope to still call you my friend,

Because whenever you need me I will be there.

And I will come with our memories, those pictures stored in my head,

And I’ll cheer you up or give you a hand,

Just like you have always done for me when I was lost and needed you.

The Fight

The Fight

You used to be full of spit and vinegar

Never willing to give in, never letting others get you down

I use to see you as someone I wanted to be

I use to see you as capable of anything…

But here you are facing adversity,

And just giving into it, like there’s no fight left in you.

And while I still hope for you, it’s hard when you don’t

It’s like you just gave up on yourself

Letting the small things break you.

How am I suppose to learn to be strong

When all I see is the weakness you give into?

Will you ever be “you” again, the one never giving in?

Will you ever find the fight you once possessed?

Be the strength that could move mountains?

I hope that one day you will,

Because I need someone to look up to…

Because right now I face the adversity in you,

And it has brought me to my knees, knowing I can’t do it for you.

I hope that you find the strength in yourself, to be the

One who doesn’t crumble with the slightest touch?

I can’t do it by myself, and I’m sorry that I can’t do it for you.

Speak

Speak

At many points in our life we will find ourselves at a crossroad and while Robert Frost claims that we should choose the one less travelled by I find that there are many more things to consider. Where we came from, where we aspire to go, what our past, present and futures fears are. Also how we feel in that moment, because we can be in a place in our life that we are and we are not happy with and determining which path we are to choose will help determine if we will become happy or more angry with ourselves. In considering all these things I find that sometimes you must sit at that crossroad until you can truly answer all of these and many more… And because I have yet to find the right words I find myself sitting here and I believe there is a reason for that, I believe that I am not ready to learn from my past and current mistakes and that until then I don’t truly know what I want. So for now I will sit and wait, because these are the words I have now the only ones that have come to me and for now they will have to do. Because I have much to learn and until I am ready to learn from them I guess I will be ok with being a hypocrite in some ways, not liked in others and loved in some, but this is who I am and I am sitting here wondering when I will be ready for a path, whichever path it may be.

I forgot to look you in the eyes

I forgot to look you in the eyes

I forgot to look you in the eyes

I forgot to look YOU in the eyes when I lied right to your face.

I guess you didn’t notice, because you believed me,

You believed that I of all people would tell you the truth.

I forgot to look you in the eyes,

Because I could not bear to let you down again.

I promised you that I would never lie to you,

So I could not look you in the eyes as I told you with a sweet smile on my face

That I love you, that nothing would ever change that.

Except time does not heal all wounds,

So as we stood there facing each other

I looked away and counted the ticks of the clock.

Only that clock on the wall knows the truth,

And the truth is I forgot to look you in eyes as I lied to you.

One day I hope, I hope that you’ll understand why,

Why I could not look you in the eyes.

One day even I hope to understand why I could not tell you,

Tell you the truth about why I don’t love you.

One day I hope that I can look you in the eyes,

I hope that one day I will be able to,

Be able to look you in the eyes as I lie to you with that sweet smile on my face.