If I told you my every fear...

If I told you my every fear would you respect me?

If I told you my every fear would you disagree with me?

If I told you my every fear would you agree?

Would you tell me I have no reason to fear these things?

Would you tell me these are not legitimate fears?

Would you be mad at me for fearing these things?

Would you tell me to grow up?

Would you be mad at me if I told that I have given in to these fears?

Would you convince me to stop?

Would you call me a hypocrite?

Would you hate me for the things that I have done?

If I told you my every fear would you even care?

If I told you my every fear… would you even care?

I am

I AM

-John Clare

I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best--
Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below--above the vaulted sky.

One of the most beautiful poems, by a man who believed he lost everything because he could not find success. Little did he know it was sitting right there in front of him. And because he couldn't see that, he lost his family, his freedom of life... to live alone in a room with a window, a door, a sink, a toilet and a bed. We are all entitled to lose our sanity, but to willingly give it away means we are lost. Little did he know how beautiful his sanity was!!

Perfection

Perfection

Look at what you have done to me.

Look at how you’ve made me hate myself,

See myself as never good enough.

Put this unattainable image in my head,

Because I want to please you so badly.

I don’t know for the life of me why I do it?

I feel as if I hate myself, because in trying to be perfect for you,

I have lost myself.

I would have never done these things… Before now.

But now they are the first thing that I think of,

And now I have become a hypocrite.

And that makes me feel weak, because I

Cannot tell you what you have to done to me,

Or what I have done to myself.

But I can’t lose this perfect image in my head.

So all I see now is this downward spiral of me

Trying to attain that perfection, even after you’re gone.

The worst part is, I don’t want to do this.

But I can’t find it within myself to stop.

Because secretly trying to attain this perfection for you

Has become me, trying to attain this perfection for me.