It Only Makes Things Harder

In anger the thoughts in our

Head should not be let out.

In anger it is too hard to

Think before we say.

Because once it’s said,

There is NO taking it back!!

In anger we lose what is

Most important to us.

In anger we forget

About how our heart

Beats life into us,

The life that you feel

When you are happy.

In anger we become selfish.

We forget to understand

The other side.

In anger we lose

Control of who we are,

And become something

Un-natural.

In anger we destroy

What was so good.

I must choose to not be

Angry with you, and

Just pray that you

Will choose to come

Back into my life!?!

I Hate That You Traded Me

I Hate That YOU Traded Me

I hate how easily you

Forget about our friendship.

I hate how you just assume

That I have moved on, to bigger

And better things.

I hate how little

you actually know me.

I hate that I considered

You family, all of you…

I hate that you ended

Up being exactly like

My family.

I hate how you

Gave up on me.

I hate how YOU

Walked away from me.

I hate and I should

NOT hate…

And yet I still hate, I

Hate how it wasn’t life

That tore us apart…

I hate that it was YOU.

I hate that it was ME…

I hate that I honestly don’t

Know what I did wrong.

I’m sorry, but I am

Who I am…

Overbearing, ocd, awkward,

Sad, sarcastic, I don’t often

Think before I speak, etc…

But I have ALWAYS been

There for you!!

When you were sad,

I did my best to be the friend

To put a smile on your face.

When you hurt, I tried to be

The friend with a shoulder

To cry on.

Who knows maybe I shouldn’t

Have tried so hard…?

I hate that our friendship

Actually means nothing to you.

I hate that I am not stronger,

I hate that I cannot just

Move on with my life.

I hate that you

Traded me.

But most of all…

I hate how much I fear this.

And I hate how much you

Make me fear making a new friend.

I Anger

I anger so easily,

Because I feel that I have lost you.

I anger because

YOU said the distance wouldn’t

Change the friendship we had.

I anger so easily

Because I miss you!

I anger because I’m scared.

Because anyone I’ve ever

Let into my heart has turned

And walked away.

I anger so easily

Because I let you inside these walls,

These walls I worked so tirelessly to build.

I anger because you have proven to

Be just like the rest of them.

I anger because

I do NOT trust easily.

I anger because

I fear rejection above all the rest.

I anger so easily

Because you, like them rejected me.

I anger you

Because I know I am not good enough

For you.

I anger, I anger, I anger

Because every time

I let anyone in, I see them

Turn and walk away.

I anger because I lose

The progress I made while

I thought you were my friend.

I anger because I’ve gone

Back t my ways of hiding

This anger and this fear.

Just when I thought I was

A better person, I slipped

Back into these old ways.

But don’t worry because

This anger won’t let you in again.

The process of getting there is more important than being there... If you cut corners now, will you ever be satisfied with where you end!?!

Lonely But Safe

The years we’ve spent together

The ups and the downs we’ve seen each other through.

I honestly believed I’d never lose you.

You promised me it wouldn’t happen

And like an idiot… I actually believed you!?!

I know your life is better than mine, I know you’re happy,

I know you’ve moved on.

I know you don’t spend your days worrying.

I trusted you; I even opened my heart and broke down walls for you.

I know you’ll never understand me, or the things I may do.

I sit here quietly as I watch you live your life.

I see the happiness you’ve encountered.

I must admit I am quite jealous of you.

I feel as if I weep for me,

Because of this envy I have of you.

I guess this shouldn’t surprise me…

I’ve spent my life watching people walk away from me.

I’ve always known the lonely life,

I had just thought I had overcome this self destruction…

I wish you the best of luck as I retreat back into myself,

Where I know it is safe…

But here I know that no one will leave me!!